People have been talking about how improbable the Canes playoff hopes, but why?  Because we have 6 teams to pass, right?

I think what's more important is the number of points it will take to get into the playoffs, NOT how many teams we have to pass to get there.

I put the current games played and point totals into a spreadsheed, and used that to project the final standings.  I already suspected the 8th place team would have fewer points than normal because the eastern conference is weak this year.  The point totals are skewed towards the west.

Anyway, here's the projections:

	Team	Games	Points	Projected
1.	Washington	64	94	120
2.	New Jersey	62	79	104
3.	Pittsburgh	64	80	103
4.	Buffalo	62	75	99
5.	Ottawa	65	76	96
6.	Philadelphia	62	69	91
7.	Boston	62	67	89
8.	Atlanta	62	66	87
9.	NY Rangers	64	66	85
10.	Montreal	65	66	83
11.	Tampa Bay	63	63	82
12.	Florida	63	60	78
13.	NY Islanders	64	60	77
14.	Carolina	63	59	77
15.	Toronto	63	50	65

We could get in the playoffs with 89 points.  There are 19 games left.  We currently have 59 points.

15-4 or 14-3-2 gets us there.

It's still improbable, but we are 12-1 in our last 13 games against eastern conference opponents (12-3 overall in our last 15).

5 of those final 19 are against Boston (2) and Atlanta (3).  2 more against Tampa Bay, 2 against the Candiens, and 1 more against the Panthers.

This weekend's games against the Panthers and Thrashers are *HUGE*  (every game is HUGE, but we can afford to lose a few, as long as it's to a "top 6" or western conference team.  We cannot afford to lose to Florida or Atlanta.

Go Canes!

I'll be in Ann Arbor this weekend for the Michigan-Penn State game (among other things).  And I think Michigan is gonna win.

With Michigan ranking 7th in total offense (averaging 37.3 a game), and Penn State being #1 in total defense, it should be very interesting.  Of course if you exclude Michigan's win over Delaware State, their scoring average drops to about 33 points a game, still good for around 18th.  Penn State's offense is much less impressive if you take Eastern Illinois out of the mix too (they won 52-3)

While Penn State has only given up 8.7 points a game, I think it's a LARGE factor of their schedule so far.

• Akron (31-7)
• Syracuse (28-7)
• Temple (31-6)
• Iowa (10-21)
• Illinois (35-17)
• Eastern Illinois (52-3)
• Minnesota (20-0)

They've had a REALLY REALLY weak schedule.  Michigan is better than all of those teams except Iowa.  And as bad as Michigan's defense seems sometimes, at 46th, they're not *THAT* bad.

My point being, I think we're in for an exciting game on Saturday!

Michigan 35
Penn State 31

GO BLUE!

Verlander no-hit the rangers through 4 innings, then threw like 40 pitches in the 5th, but managed to get out of it and only gave up 1 run - and came back to pitch and finish the 6th inning as well.  He struck out 8.

After the third inning, I started thinking we might see a no-no tonight.  Oh well.. Verlander's starts are "must see TV" right now!

Brandon Lyon came in and got booed pretty harshly after giving up a first pitch homer, but that was all he gave up in the 7th. 

Joel Zumaya came in and gave up 3 straight singles and then a grounder to second to give up a run, then just destroyed the next two batters. 

Did you know that Zumaya hasn't walked a single batter this year?  His K/BB ratio is infinity.  Or undefined, I guess.

And Rodney got his first save since May 3. 

Tigers have won 5 in a row now.  The Rangers have lost 9 straight in Comerica Park.  ouch!

These Tigers are looking good.  The pitching has been solid.  And soon we're gonna get Bonderman back too.

Not like I was doing all that well, I'm only at 15 out of 21  right now I think.  But I should be at 16 of 21.  Those durned Connecticut Huskies, faced with injury, got taken to overtime by 13th seeded San Diego and lost.

Of course, since I'd also picked #5 Drake over #12 Western Kentucky, I now have neither team in the round 2 game, so there's one completely hopeless game.

The good news is that, assuming #1 UCLA makes it past #9 Texas A&M, they will (in my opinion) be practically assured of a win over either #12 W. Kentucky or #13 San Diego, and I have UCLA going to the final four, along with all of the other #1s.  I know it's never happened, I just don't have the balls to pick any upsets this year.

So, Donovan McNabb goes on HBO Real Sports the other night, and talks about how he's held to a higher standard because he's black.   Here's part of the exchange:

McNabb: “I pass for 300 yards, our team wins by seven, ‘Oh, he could have made this throw here. We would have scored more points if we would have done this.’”

Brown: “But doesn’t every quarterback go through that?”

McNabb: “Not everybody.”

Brown: “You don’t think that Peyton Manning, Carson Palmer, the white quarterbacks, isn’t the press as tough on them in those situations as, as the average black quarterback?”

McNabb: “Let me start by saying, I love those guys. But they don’t get criticized as much as we do. They don’t.”

First of all - every quarterback faces criticism, win or lose.  Peyton Manning was, for a long time, "the guy who can't win the big one". 

All quarterbacks get criticized for their mistakes.  You could complete 19 of 20 passes with 4 touchdowns and one interception, and you'd get criticized for it.

Winning will quiet a lot of critics, and so yes, you don't hear as much about Peyton Manning, but people do still criticize him.

As for McNabb - this HBO interview was taped a few weeks ago, before the season started, before the Philadelphia Eagles were 0-2 and it became apparent that Donovan McNabb is not the same quarterback he used to be.  But in fact, McNabb is going down hill.  He was 5-5 in 10 starts last year.  He doesn't have the same speed and mobility he had, and his only really good year was 2004 when he threw 31 touchdowns - the only year in the last 5 years that he's even gotten more than 20.

I remember a few years ago, Rush Limbaugh said that the media was actually overly kind to Donovan McNabb - that he wasn't that good of a quarterback and yet he took very little criticism because the media was "desirous" to have a a good black quarterback.

Which is it?  Is the media harder on black quarterbacks, or more lenient?

I don't think it's either.  The media is hard on all quarterbacks, and it's harder still on quarterbacks that aren't winning.  Heck, the media is VERY hard on Rex Grossman (white), even though the Bears are a pretty good team.  How does that fit into this?

The media is hard on Rex Grossman because he sucks.  The Bears win in spite of Rex Grossman.

The media is hard on Donovan McNabb because he's not getting the job done.  And it's only gonna get worse if the Eagles keep losing.  And that won't have anything to do with the color of McNabb's skin.

It's amazing how a little rain can green things up.  My lawn was looking about as poor as it ever has, given that we hadn't had any significant rainfall in something like 6  weeks.  Well, we got almost 2 inches of rain Friday evening in what turned out to be a pretty wild evening around the Triangle and surrounding communities.  There were numerous tornadoes - the nearest being out in Fuquay-Varina where my folks live.  Luckily, tornados in North Carolina are rarely very powerful and almost never stay on the ground for long.  To my knowledge, the one in fuquay caused tree damage and nothing more.

But the lawn greened up considerably!  And the weather is now absolutely gorgeous.  It was a beautiful weekend.  I raked up the pine needles and stuff from under the trees, sprayed weed killer in the back yard, and had some random door-to-door folks clean my gutters for $40.

And then, it was time to watch some Michigan football!  The Michigan-Notre Dame game is always a big game.  It held a little extra national interest this time because both teams were 0-2, meaning one of them was going to be 0-3.  Well, Michigan proved that it wasn't as bad as its 0-2 start might've suggested.  And Notre Dame proved only that they're a really bad football team with very little talent on the offensive and defensive lines.  Michigan completely dominated the Irish with a 38-0 victory.  Hopefully, it will give them some confidence as the big ten season starts next Saturday.  They'll need it, because Penn State is a fine football team this year - possibly one of the best in the league.  Michigan will have its hands full!

Proof that nobody is REALLY impressed by a win over Notre Dame is that fact that once again, nobody voted for Michigan in the top 25 poll.  That's fine and completely understandable.  If they beat Penn State next week, they might start getting a few votes again, but they're definately going to have to earn their way back into the rankings!

As for Notre Dame... it's not going to be a good year for them.  Michigan State heads to South Bend next weekend, where I'm reasonably certain Notre Dame will be pummelled as State looks pretty good this year.  Then Notre Dame heads to Purdue where they'll again be pummelled by a very solid and underrated Purdue squad.  They'll follow that up with a trip to UCLA - a game they'll almmost certainly lose, and then back home to host 14th ranked Boston College and top ranked Southern Cal.  That would take them to 0-8.  Then they'll have to deal with Navy (probable loss), and they might finish with wins against Duke, Air Force, and Standford.  Maybe.  I think 4 wins this year might be a best-case scenario for the Irish.

Yesterday, Emily and I went to the Caniac Carnival to get some free tickets to the preseason opener, which was yesterday at 3pm against the Wasington Capitals.  Emily couldn't go to the game because she had a playdate scheduled with her friend Leah, and then had to go to Awana with her friend Rachel.  Awana is a children's ministry that is big in the baptist church.  We don't go to a baptish church, but Emily does like to go to Awana with Rachel, so that's cool.

The Canes game was a lot of fun.  There was a decent crowd on hand to see them win a 4-3 "overtime thriller" - at least if you can consider a preseason game to be a thriller.  The Canes trailed 2-0 going into the third period, but scored two quick goals (less than a minute apart) by Babin and Cole.  The Craps took a 3-2 lead with only 2 minutes left in the game, but Justin Williams tied it up again with only 1 minute left, and Erik Cole scored the game winner in overtime.  Staal assisted on both of Cole's goals.  Staal also assisted on Babin's goal.  With 5 points in 1 game, things look good for my prediction that Cole and Staal would combine for 180 points this seasn.

I watched Resident Evil: Apocalpyse on TNTHD last night.  Though I've never played the game, I assume the movie is much like the game - basically a shoot-em-up Doom-like movie.  The premise of the movie is interesting.  A giant, powerful corporation ("The Umbrella Corporation") runs a lab where they create biological weapons, and there's an accident involving the "T-Virus", a virus which reanimates dead cells.  Unfortunately, it kills everyone and then they turn into Zombies.  Umbrella tries to cover up the incident by releasing the Nemesis experiment to wipe out non-infected surviving employees with knowledge of the incident.  Another "experiment", the main character named Alice, attempts to get out of the city and save a couple other survivors before Umbrella nukes the city in order to contain the epidemic, and claims an meltdown at the nuclear power plant caused it.

It was interesting enough where I might go see the upcoming Resident Evil: Extinction when it comes out in theaters.

Stopped by my dad's house last night to borrow his bicycle.  Back around 1986, he bought a VERY expensive mountain bike - a Specialized Rockhopper.  Probably cost around $500 at the time.  20 years later, it's still in pretty good condition, though I can't seem to get it to go into the lowest 5 speeds (it's a 15 speed, and the chain doesn't want to go onto the smallest of the three front spindles).

At any rate, since I can't seem to walk, jog, or run as exercise anymore due to ongoing foot problems, I guess I'll have to turn to the bike.

The American Tobacco Trail is only a few miles from my house.  The southern end is west of Apex (entrance off New Hill-Olive Chapel Road), and it travels north along the old railroad bed 22 miles to the old durham bulls baseball park in northern durham county.

the nice thing about it is that it's relatively flat.  It is a railroad bed, after all.  It's perfect for biking.  I'm not a fan of hills.  I may make my first trek this weekend.

Join my NCAA Tournament Charity Pool or my OpenSourceCF.com NCAA Pool!

My friend "cyklone" wrote this and posted it to the sports conference on M-Net.

For too long, naive NCAA office pool gamblers have made poor, uneducated choices. However, the savvy player knows that statistical analysis of years of tournament results reveal certain unalterable truths. Now, you too can share these little-known secrets . . . .

The State Rule

Avoid all teams with "State" in their name, except when it is preceded by the name of a real state and the state's name consists of one word. In other words, Michigan State, Ohio State and Arizona State are OK picks. But Rhode Island State and North Dakota State are not. Finally, never pick a team with "State" in its name if the preceding word is not actually a state. For instance, "Ball" is not a real state. Neither is Murray, or Wayne, or Weber.

Of course, some of you with long memories may object and point to North Carolina State. However, that was simply the exception that proved the rule. And we all know what happened to Coach Valvano.

The Geography Rule

Avoid all teams that have geographical indicators in their name such as North, East or Southwest. Thus, one should not expect a team named "Southeastern Idaho" to go far in the tournament. These teams sometimes win the first or second rounds, but will consistently lose thereafter. Bet on it.

The Mascot Rule

With two exceptions, always choose the team with the more aggressive-sounding nickname. A "Blue Demon" will almost always beat a "Duck." The skilled bettor is also particularly wary of nicknames that involve land, such as the "Pioneers", "Mountaineers", "Squatters" and "Surveyors."

The first exception, however, is when the nickname sounds nonsensical, such as "Billiken" or "Hoya." Believe it or not, these are proven winners. The second exception is to avoid aggressive nicknames that refer to teams in violation of the geography or state rules. Which means teams like the "Northeast West Virginia State Mountain Lions" will lose. Wager accordingly.

I've been saying all along.. the NC State Wolfpack - who only finished the season 15-14, in 10th place in the ACC - have already proven they can beat any team at any time.  I didn't - and don't - expect them to win 4 games in 4 days.  This is a team with really only 5 guys who've played all year.  They usually end up with 5 guys playing well over 30 minutes... and usually over 35 minutes.  In today's defeat of Virginia Tech, one player (I don't remember which) played 39 minutes.

They beat Carolina once this year already - at home.  They played one half nose-to-nose with the heels in Chapel Hill and got blown out the second half because their coach was ill and went to the hospital at halftime and didn't come back for the rest of the game.

Carolina certainly should win the title... but the Pack has a lot more on the line.  Win, and they've got their first ACC title since 1987 (and 11th overall).  Win, and they're going to the NCAA tournament by virtue of an automatic bid.

Lose, and NC State will be relegated to the NIT - guaranteed.  They are NOT going to the dance with a 15-14 record without winning tomorrow, and they know it.

Carolina might get a #1 seed win or lose.

It's worth noting that the 1983 Wolfpack national championship team wouldn't have made the NCAA tournament either without an ACC title win - they were barely a .500 team in the regular season that year.

So I say... GO PACK!

So, we had to "pre-bowl" for next week because only one of our team members would be able to show up, and you have to have at least two regulars and one sub to be a legal team.  All four of us were able to hook up tonight and hit the alleys.

Sometimes when you go on a different night, and bowl on different lanes that aren't necessarily treated the same way that the league lanes are for that given night, it takes a little while to adjust.

For me, it took the whole first game.  I think I got 3 strikes, but ZERO spares and ended up with only a 118.

I started out the second game with 6 strikes, then an open, then 2 more strikes, and an open in the 10th.  8 damn strikes and I only got a 230 thanks to the open frames.  If I'd picked up those spares I could've gotten a 260!  Nonetheless, I'd gone two full  games at this point without picking up a spare.  I'm not complaining.. much.. about the 230.  It's a fine game.

The third game I actually bowled a "clean game", which means i had no open frames.  All strikes and spares.  More spares than strikes though, and I ended up with a 207.  Again, a fine game.  My average is about 174 right now I think, so a 556 series is still a 185 average for the night.

I'll take it!

On a category note, do I date categorize this under "Sports" =)

Well, Notre Dame finished off their season as one of the most overrated teams in NCAA football this year.  Before losing to USC, Notre Dame was concerned a "national championship contender" but even then, it was all smoke and mirrors.

With last night's trip to the woodshed offered to them by the LSU Tigers, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish finished 1-3 against teams ranked in the top 25.  The win was over a very middle of the road Penn State team.

Their three losses - to Michigan, USC, and LSU were with a combined score of 132-59 - affording 40 or more points to each of those three opponents.  Brady Quinn's statistics in those three games say a lot as well...

CMP/ATT/PCT YDS TD INT
24/48/50%   234  3  3
22/45/49%   274  3  0
15/35/43%   148  2  2

Of course, I thought originally - as a Michigan fan - that our shellacking of Notre Dame early in the season was impressive.  Michigan.

By my own arguments, Michigan was pretty overrated too, going 2-2 against ranked opponents, with wins over Wisconsin and Notre Dame.

So it goes, I guess.

I remember the old days when the Mid Atlantic Conference didn't get to go to bowl games.  And then some time in the early 90s, they started going to the California Raisin  Bowl - in mid December, it was one of the ONLY bowl games before Christmas.

Well, in this day and age, just about everyone with a decent record in a Division I-A conference can go to a bowl game because there are something like 33 bowl games.  There are only 118 Division I-A football programs, so with 66 of them going to bowl games at the end of the season, that's just about everyone with a winning record.

Well, my alma mater, the Western Michigan University Broncos, had a pretty good season, and although they didn't win their conference or even play in the conference title game, they're still going bowling!  The Broncos were invited to the inaugural International Bowl in Toronto on Saturday, January 6.

Personally, if that were not the day I was leaving for points south (Disney World) I might've considered a weekend trip to Toronto.  I've never really been there before (only once on business, and only then for about 4 hours.)

I'm a lifelong Michigan Wolverines football fan, having grown up in Ann Arbor, but I will always have a soft place in my heart for the Broncos.

Plus, they crushed the #6 Wolverines last night in hockey.  GO BRONCOS!

ESPN reported today that some guy in Carlsbad, California has broken the world record for largest bass ever caught.  He reeled in a large mouth bass on Dixon Lake weighing in at just over 25 pounds!  Holy crap!

Now, I'm pretty sure I've never caught a bass much larger than a pound or two.  Most of the ones I caught on Little Portage Lake growing up in Pinckney were not even legal to keep.

Man, that's one big fish!

Read the ESPN story here if you want.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions.

The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan.

In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. I've got to get this guy!"

The coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And sure enough the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"

"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses then tearfully says, " I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit"

A first grade teacher in Michigan explained to her class that she was a Spartan Fan.

She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Spartan fans too.

Not really knowing what a Spartan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all flew into the air.

However, there was one exception. A little boy named Timmy was not going along with the crowd.

The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different. "Because I am not a Spartan." said Timmy.

"Then," asked the teacher, "What are you?" Timmy replied proudly, "I am a Michigan fan!"

The teacher, a dedicated Spartan, was a little perturbed now as her face turned slightly red.

She asked Timmy why he was a Michigan fan. "Well, my Mom and Dad are Michigan fans, so I'm a Michigan fan, too," Timmy responded.

The teacher got very angry. "That's no reason," she said loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?

Timmy smiled and said, "Then, I'd be a Spartan Fan."

Well, at least one fan is back!

The Carolina Hurricanes opened their pre-season with two exhibition games this weekend.  Friday they defeated the Washington Crapitols 6-0 in both an impressive offensive performance and an impressive defensive performance.  Sunday, they lost to Florida 5-4 in an overtime shootout.  Sunday's game was free (admission and parking) so attendance at that game doesn't really count, but Friday's game was well attended for a pre-season game - announced attendance was 12,100 - though some season ticket holders probably didn't show up.

I called in today and ponied up for a 24 game "mini-plan" in the upper level corner seats, so I'm planning to attend a lot of games again this year.

I should mention that I also took Emily to the game on Sunday, and she really enjoyed it.  At least, the two periods that we stayed for!

Only in Michigan would this be "news".  I find it pretty damn funny, even as a big UofM football fan.

U-M Grads Feeling Blue Over Zoo Wolverines' Names

ROYAL OAK, Mich. - The Detroit Zoo has been badgered for the naming of a pair of wolverines. The complaints came from University of Michigan alums who were apparently upset that the wolverines were named Sparty and Bucky, which are the names of the mascots of two of U of M's biggest sports rivals, Michigan State and Ohio State.

And it turned out that the pair was given their namesake by a zoologist who happened to be a graduate of MSU.

In a press conference prior to the start of the 2005 U.S. Open, Lefty (Phil Mickelson) thinks the winning score at this year's US Open at Pinehurst will be +8.  Wow!

Of course, since Pinehurst is only about an hour from here, I'm being inundated with constant Open coverage, so I also heard some of Tiger's press conference yesterday, where he got a little testy when he was asked how he feels about what people are writing about him.

Okay, I've been golfing for 20 years.  I was even on a league one year and won first place.  Admittedly, it was primarily due to my handicap, but hey!  I got a trophy!

I don't get out much to golf these days, mostly because it's expensive and time-consuming.  And my Best Disease makes watching and finding my ball somewhat difficult.  But I still enjoy the game.

Recently, I decided to give up on my 17 year old set of Palm Springs Gravity Balance drivers that my grandma built for me in 1988.  They had steel shafts, were quite a bit heavier than current clubs, had much smaller club heads, and were built for my 15 year old height.

I picked up a nice set of Purespin titanium drivers - 1, 3, and 5 - on eBay for a total of $50, inclusive of shipping.  They've got graphite shafts, they're quite a bit lighter than my old clubs, and the club heads are bigger.  They're also about 2 inches longer.  Longer shaft, bigger head...  yes, I *AM* talking about golf clubs.

I

I'd like to extend my congratulations to Eric Gonzalez of Cochise County Community College.  Gonzalez, a 6'4" right handed pitcher born in Teuezife, Spain, was drafted in the 2005 Major League Baseball Draft with the 1498th and LAST pick, by the Atlanta Braves.

Gonzalez was selected to the First Team 2005 ACCAC Baseball All Conference Team.

He was also drafted in round 50 by the Braves in the 2004 MLB Draft.

Okay.  So maybe they won't save my game.  But I'm tired of using my old Palm Springs Gravity Balance drivers that my grandpa built for me in 1988.  It's time to move own.

One thing I've found is that every other driver that people use has a larger club head and weighs a lot less than mine.  My drivers have steel shafts.  I'm not sure what the club heads are made of.

Take a look

Okay.  So maybe they won't save my game.  But I'm tired of using my old Palm Springs Gravity Balance drivers that my grandpa built for me in 1988.  It's time to move own.

One thing I've found is that every other driver that people use has a larger club head and weighs a lot less than mine.  My drivers have steel shafts.  I'm not sure what the club heads are made of.

Take a look

So yes, our neighborhood garage sale is tomorrow, and we missed it last year, so we've got a TON of stuff to get rid of.  Plus we're going to be moving soon, so that's another good reason to have a garage sale.  8am to noon... but the first buyers usually show up around 7.

My dad is coming over tonight to set up the booth he uses for his craft shows, that way we can set up the booth and get a lot of our stuff set up tonight... otherwise we'd have to get up at like 5am tomorrow!

I'm a Sports Geek

Yes, it's true.  I have full intention of either watching or listening to the NFL Draft tomorrow afternoon.  I'm mostly interested in two things:

• Who the Lions pick
• Where my favorite players (from the University of Michigan) go.

I'm also interested because of the drama this year.  There is no bona-fide #1 draft pick, but if the 49ers pick a quarterback #1, that quarterback is going to expect to be paid like a #1 draft pick, and to last year's Eli Manning, that meant a LOT of money.  Everyone agrees that the available quarterbacks this year are simply not worth it.

Personally, I think the 49ers should draft Braylon Edwards #1.  Edwards could be a great wide receiver, and they wouldn't have to pay him anywhere near what Eli Manning got last year.  Plus, Braylon is from Michigan =)

Yeah, I'm a sports geek.

How many Big Ten Students does it take to change a light bulb?

• At Michigan it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.
• At Northwestern it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend at Michigan to get instructions.
• At Michigan State it takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.
• At Ohio State it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Woody would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Michigan students.
• At Wisconsin it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
• At Illinois it takes seven, and each one gets four semester credit hours for it.
• At Indiana it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.
• At Minnesota it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, ten to find an ugly enough lampshade to match their school colors.
• At Penn Sate it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Penn, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.
• At Purdue it takes 12. One to change the bulb, five to take pictures, four fraternity pledges to get naked and run through the fountain screaming "They changed the Bulb!", and two engineers to run a study on the whole thing.
• At Iowa it takes none. There's no electricity in Iowa.